The Love Lottery.

A Tale of Four Loves, St Valentine
& The Language of Amour

What has become of love?

This is the story of love memorialized in the 3rd century in Rome and in the 16^th century in England, and made memorable in England in the 15th century and in the United States in the 19th century. A Tale of Four Loves. The first was under a dictatorship, the second was under feuding authoritarian families, the third was under conditions of war, the fourth was under a democracy. Love rises under a totalitarian regime; love lives on even after death; love survives the batteries of war; love thrives under a libertarian administration. Love conquers all.

Love to you; Happy Valentine’s Day! (Thanks to Studio Melizo for the photo, a cut, holidays.net/).

I begin my story in ancient times, when gods and goddesses populated the mythical mind. I am especially attracted to Venus, the Roman goddess of sexual love and physical beauty. Her very name, from Latin, means love. She was the Daughter of Heaven and Sea, the child of Uranus (God of the Sky) and Gaia (Goddess of Earth). She loved to pamper her body and cultivate her beauty. She was the very symbol of femininity. She was heavenly to behold.

Then Venus, this unearthly beauty, was eclipsed by Lupercus, and then Lupercus by Valentine. Which is getting ahead of my story.

(1) TRULY MAKING LOVE A MEMORIAL

St Valentine was a man, not a myth, and a priest to boot; he was in fact a bishop. He was a lover too; I’ll explain that later. Or, rather, there were three (3), not just one (1), St Valentines, and they were all Roman Catholics (Catholic Encyclopedia). Only Catholics declare Saints, only they call ‘saints’ their beloved beloveds. Of course, we Catholic say ‘You’re a saint’ to mean ‘Thank you for the favor you have just done me.’ We say that even if the favor is small, or even if we know that it is against the will of the ‘saint’ to have done so. In the case of St Valentine, it was a big favor, and it was done in big faith and with a big heart. My hero.

I’m a romantic at heart, so I will mix up the stories from many different sources in the Internet about the 3 St Valentines and try to make my day (and yours)! The little stories are full of single-mindedness and adoration and loyalty and sacrifice – I meant that to be something like a description of love, did you notice?

It was like this:

Father Valentine was a bishop of Rome in the 3rd century. If you don’t know Rome, it wasn’t built in a day – it was built on emperorship, a kind word for dictatorship or totalitarianism. The head of state wasn’t called an Emperor for nothing – the word means in Latin to command. Emperor, the male ruler of an empire or state, usually by hereditary right. You are reminded of the Holy Roman Emperors (Holy Terrors, a handful of them), the Mongolian Emperor Genghis Khan (the barbarian), Montezuma II (the last Aztec Emperor, overthrown and killed by the Spanish conquistador Hernando Cortes), and Emperor of the French Napoleon Bonaparte (you can almost feel his imperiousness when you hear him say, ‘Ambition is never content, even on the summit of greatness’ and ‘Conscription is the vitality of a nation, the purification of its morality, and the real foundations of all its habits.’ Remember conscription – we’ll meet it again in a little while.). Closer to home, the Emperor Butterfly is so-called not only for the beauty of its rich, bright colors but for its large size, dominating the others.

As I was saying before I interrupted myself ... conscription, yes. Conscription is the law which orders men to military service by all means – in the United States, they call it the Draft. Conscription is a hated word, that is why Muhammad Ali was willing to give up his boxing crown to tell the world he was against it. Fr Valentine was a bishop of Rome when Emperor Claudius II decided to conscript single young men to fight his many battles, even if only to protect his empire against the Gauls, Slavs, Huns, Turks and Mongolians who were beleaguering the boundaries of his empire. The emperors are nobody if not ambitious and possessive. (‘Ambition never comes to an end’ – Yoshida Kenko.) He was a man who fitted the title Emperor: tall, fiery eyes, and it is told that he was ‘so strong that he could knock the teeth of man or beast with one punch’ (Richard D Wiegel, Western Kentucky University, roman-emperors.org/). His empire had grown too big to defend from external threats and protect from internal chaos. He needed more capable men to become soldiers and officers. He needed more than cannon fodder.

Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Soon Claudius the Cruel was having difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. Then he had a brainstorm. It appeared to Claudius that the unmarried young men made better soldiers than the married, because they had no children to worry about, no wives to yearn for, and no love to leave behind. He knew only his lust – he didn’t know love. To have more of the better warriors, or so he thought, he had to and he did outlaw marriage for young men and cancelled all engagements. The young girls could get married if they wanted to, but not the boys. Naturally, the young ones thought the new law was malicious.

I think it was outrageous! You cannot cancel amour; you cannot outlaw love, and you cannot outlaw lovers of love. Bishop Valentine was such a lover. He believed that Claudius’ decree outlawing marriage of young men was unjust, just too much. The young sweethearts were traumatized and Valentine sympathized with them. So he defied (not deified) his Emperor and continued to perform the marriage ceremony of the Catholic Church for young lovers, marrying couples for Christ in secret. Secret love was good for the young ones; secret love was bad for the good Bishop Valentine. The young sweethearts were caught in the web of their love; the good bishop was caught in the act, beseeching God’s blessings to two hearts in love and into marriage without the blessings of Claudius the Emperor. The Emperor is your Lord and Master; his wish is your command.

When Claudius discovered that Valentine had disobeyed his Emperor, he ordered that he be put to death. Claudius didn’t know where his blessings were coming from. Apparently not. First, he ordered the good bishop imprisoned. That is where my story really begins. You see, Father Valentine met the young daughter of his jailer, Asterius, and his daughter became enamored with the Father. The daughter who fell in love was blind, but she was smitten with a man condemned because of his faith by his Emperor. Anyway, the father asked the Father to heal his daughter. Asterius had faith, and the good bishop had love and faith in his heart and, so, he beseeched and besieged Heaven and, miraculously her sight was restored. ‘I can see! I can see! I can see!’ she shouted 3 times in glee, 3 times in love. In her love, she could not see that her Valentine would not last forever. Love is blind and lovers cannot see, you see. Many young people went to visit Valentine and Asterius’ daughter together; since they were not allowed inside the prison cell, they decided to just throw flowers and notes up Valentine’s window, wanting him to know ‘that they too believed in love’ (pictureframes.co.uk/).

Yet, Emperor Claudius II had a soft heart for Bishop Valentine. What the priest had done meant certain death, defying an imperial decree, but Claudius was impressed by the young man’s dignity and conviction, so the Emperor tried to convert the sinner of the law from the Roman Catholic God to the Roman gods. Which was more exciting, if you considered the mortal flesh and its earthly craving; you could say ‘The spirit was willing, but the flesh was lust.’ Well, love won over lust. Claudius could not convert his sinner. One God was more powerful than many gods.

And then Claudius’ sinner turned the tables on him – the sinner would now try to convert the do-good Emperor! I remember the apostle Paul trying to convert King Agrippa who said to him, ‘Paul, keep this up much longer and you’ll make a Christian out of me!’ (Acts 26: 28). Both Paul and Valentine had been jailed by their rulers and had spent solitary days staring into nothing. What King Agrippa’s advisor told the saintly Paul was probably what Emperor Claudius’ advisor told the saintly Valentine: ‘You’re crazy! You’ve read too many books, spent too much time staring off into space! Get a grip on yourself, get back in the real world!’

Well, both Paul and Valentine didn’t get back in the real world, as they lost their heads – to their sovereigns. Paul was ordered beheaded by Emperor Nero in 67 AD. The lesser god won this time. Some 200 years later, Valentine was sentenced to death and ordered beheaded by Emperor Claudius in 270 AD. Some emperors never learn the true faith, never ever learn from history.

In those days, the Romans as well as their Emperors were worshipful pagans, paying adoration even to unknown gods. Up to and beyond the reign of Claudius II, one of the many gods of the Romans was the unnamed God of the feast Lupercalia (the name derived probably from lupercus, Latin for wolf, who legend says suckled Remus and his brother Romulus, founder of Rome), which was celebrated on the 15th of February without fail. (The 15th of February is now the Feast of the Purification of the Virgin Mary.) The Lupercalia was celebrated by means of a ‘lottery of lovers’ (Wendy Brinker, meridiangraphics.net/).

This was how it worked: In mid-February every year, the Romans gaily engaged in a young man’s rite of passage to the God I shall call Lupercus. Names of adolescent Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed in a bowl, jar or box, and the slips were drawn at random by adolescent Roman boys. The name of the girl you draw is your girl for the rest of the festival, sometimes even the rest of the year. She was yours in love. She was by luck assigned to you. The young ones would then wear those names on their sleeves for one week; this must be where the expression ‘to wear your heart on your sleeve’ comes from, to mean that it is easy enough for other people to know how you are feeling: in love. This was love at first draw, not at first sight. Another year, another lottery, another lover. This was another chance at love, and another and another – but love of the unkind kind. The girl assigned to the boy would be his sexual companion as long as it took. The girls had no choice but to submit to the barbarity of this pagan practice, as it was socially acceptable. Society can be so brutish.

After 800 years of this primitive practice, the early Church Fathers pronounced death to free love. How would the sentence be carried out? By Papal Decree.

And so started the annual ‘lottery of Saints’ (Wendy Brinker) on the 14th of February, declared in 496 AD by Pope Gelasius to be a feast in honor of St Valentine. Instead of names of girls to draw out for loving, substituted were the names of Saints to draw out for living. Both girls and boy were to draw from the box – it looks like it was the Roman Catholics who first practiced equality of the sexes long before the term was invented. You were supposed to emulate the values if not the life of the Saint of your luck of the draw. You were no longer free to love without responsibility, but you were free to live with faith and reason.

And so Bishop Valentine became the Patron Saint of Lovers. St Valentine’s Day – Love memorialized. You are reminded that on the 13th of February, the eve of his execution, Valentine wrote his love a letter, which he signed ‘From your Valentine.’ It meant ‘For you my love, from me, Valentine.’ Since then, everyone calls the other ‘my Valentine.’ My love. My one and only.

So today, if young people behave as if nothing can stand in the way of love, let them. Nothing can stand in the way of true love. Not even death. Remember Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet? Theirs is love at first sight, honest and true, but their families hate each other, and Juliet’s family wants her to marry someone else. Friar Lawrence hatches a plan to reunite the lovers in Mantua. He has Juliet drink a potion that makes her look dead, and she is to be rescued from her tomb. There follows confusion, and when Romeo sees his Juliet dead, he drinks poison, as he cannot face life without her. Then the effects of the sleeping potion wear off, and Juliet wakes up to her Romeo, dead. She kisses his cold, poisoned lips, then pulls his dagger into her chest and dies. True love. ‘Love is not love that alters when it alteration finds,’ Shakespeare writes. We owe William Shakespeare his story of Romeo & Juliet (1595), probably the English world’s most popular young love memorialized.

(2) TRULY MAKING LOVE MEMORABLE

Certainly the whole world owes Pope Gelasius St Valentine, the memorial of young love; the British owe the Duke of Orleans and the Americans owe Ester Howland the sending of Valentines, memories of love. She is considered the first one to have sent out Valentine’s cards in the United States, according to a British source (pictureframes.co.uk/). In fact, the whole world owes young Charles, Duke of Orleans, the first true Valentine’s card, which he sent in 1415 to his wife (theholidayspot.com/). Love without fear. He was 21, imprisoned in the British Tower of London after the Battle of Agincourt (France), won by the English despite being outnumbered 1 to 3. He was in the Tower for 25 years. He wrote and sent countless poems (rhymed love letters) now called ‘Valentines’ to his ladylove (according to Wendy Brinker, American). He was French. The French have always been hopelessly romantics. It could only happen to a French in love in London.

Valentine’s Day today is a day when young men ask young maidens to be their Valentines, and others to say again to their Valentines of yesteryears, ‘I love you.’ The most important 3 words in the universe, other than ‘I am sorry.’ This day is unforgettable to me for a reason. I was not so young but I was foolish and when my wife was pregnant and she told me the first time, I suggested an abortion. At 27, I knew I was ready for love but not for fatherhood. My wife said no. Thank God for people who say no. The baby, Cristina (‘tina’ from Valentina, the feminine form of Valentine) was born on the 14th of February. I confessed that to a priest so long ago and I have forgiven myself too. I want to say to that girl today, wherever she is: ‘I love you.’

You don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to say those 3 little words.

Today, we make memories of love in many ways:

1. Love cards – Everyone calls them Valentine’s cards. The use of love cards spread with (and despite) the Roman Catholic Church. Today, in the United States, over 1 billion Valentine’s cards are sent every year (Greeting Card Association, USA, greetingcard.org/). Interestingly, more of the women buy those greeting cards and more of the men buy boxes of chocolates and bouquets of roses to celebrate the Roman Catholic feast of the 14th of February (howstuffworks.com/). Even children exchange love cards. Age does not matter, love does.

2. Love messages – Lovers exchange love messages writing them on decorative sheets copying from Valentine ‘writers’ (Tech Direct, techdirect.com/). A writer is a booklet of verses and messages ready to be copied: one for a male to send in haste, another for a female to reply with in time. And now people advertise their love. Comment: ‘It seems odd that such a private matter, falling in love, should become so public today through the Valentine messages published in many daily newspapers. Lovers’ ‘secret’ words and languages are there for all to read’ (Jill Curtis, family2000.org.uk/). Response: I have no problem with that, Jill. I will begin to worry when there are no more protestations of love in public!

3. Lovespoons – In Wales, loved ones are gifted with lovespoons carved, decorated with hearts, keys and keyholes – the decorations mean ‘You unlock my heart!’ He has to carve the lovespoon himself to show his love to her (Paul Wadge, lovespoons-wales.co.uk/). Tokens of love taken to heart.

4. Candy hearts – These and chocolate cakes, among other delicious items, are exchanged by lovers and shared with their loved ones. No paper roses. The ‘feel-good day for lovers’ (National Public Radio, NPR.org/) is also the feel-good day for chocolatiers. Love is good for you, if not the chocolates.

5. A song maybe – A song is a prayer done twice over. I can sing too. When I was younger, I won the heart of a lovely girl in one night just by singing one song in a Valentine’s Day party. Funny that I sang ‘My Funny Valentine,’ perfectly, I must say, ala Johnny Mathis. It’s not an easy one to sing. Singing, you will be appreciated for the effort, if not the success.

6. Roses – Make your Valentine happy, and the florists besides, by sending roses. Windy’s advice (windyweb.com/): Send red roses to say ‘I love you.’ Rosebuds to say ‘You are young and beautiful.’ A single rose in full bloom to say ‘I love you still.’ A bouquet of roses to say ‘Thank you.’ White roses to say ‘You are heavenly’ (‘I’m worthy of you’). A deep burgundy rose to say ‘You’re an unconscious beauty.’ Hybrid tea roses to say ‘I’ll remember you.’ Yellow roses to say ‘Try to care.’ Send one anyway, even if it’s a day late – better late than never. ‘Tis better to have sent and lost, than never to have sent at all.

7. A love poem – By all means, send one, even if you have to copy from some poet. In that, my #1 choice is from the Sonnets of the Portuguese, from Elizabeth Barrett Browning to her husband Robert Browning, another poet, this one:

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

‘How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seem to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! – and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.’

Did you hear that? ‘I shall but love thee better after death’ – a very Catholic idea.

What about love lost? On the 15^th of February 1891, Austrian Ferdinand Blumentritt writes to his friend Jose Rizal (now national hero of the Philippines), commiserating with him as his beloved has abandoned him and is getting married to a British engineer. ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have lost at all’ (Samuel Butler). Love is not a noun, it’s a verb (Mary Ellen Edmunds). The journey of love is itself the reward.

What about if you’re tired of love? Maybe you would like to say with Michael Webb (TheRomantic.com/) these words anachronistic:

‘One of the least romantic days of the year is Valentine’s Day. Yes, you heard me correctly. The majority of men act like robots, purchasing flowers and chocolate for their sweethearts because that is what everyone else is doing. Many people celebrate the day out of obligation rather than celebration.’

I have no problem with that! That’s good enough for me.

I am obliged to love. You are obliged to love.

We are obliged to love those who love us.

We are obliged to love those who don’t.

Are you like some people who have fallen out of love? You can learn from a renown figure in history who was a great lover – he had big dreams for his beloved Josephine – none other than the little big French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte, who thunders to us through the ages these brave words:

‘Courage is like love: It must have hope for nourishment.’

Now then, to wish you love, I wish you hope.